Life happens. Some of it shows up as success, some as failure, and a whole lot lands somewhere in the middle — the “okay,” the “not-so-bad,” and my personal favorite, “Whew! I made it, but I am never doing that again.”
The trouble starts when a few unpleasant experiences stack up back-to-back. One bad day? Manageable. Three in a row? Suddenly you’re operating with limiting beliefs and negative thoughts, and before long you’ve slipped into a pessimistic attitude that expects only more doom to arrive. You become a self-fulfilling prophecy of gloom — predicting disaster, then acting surprised when it shows up, like a weatherman who curses the rain he personally ordered.
The sneaky part? It’s usually so gradual you don’t notice. Until one morning you wake up in a truly foul mood and want to growl at everyone and everything in your path. Maybe you even follow through, letting your inner frustration boil over into someone else’s day, causing who-knows-what kind of collateral damage.
If you’ve been there (and let’s be honest, we all have), here are a few of the telltale signs:
Everything is irritating. Someone asks a small favor of you, and it lands like a request for a kidney.
You become argumentative. People offer helpful suggestions and you find flaws in every single one, like a one-person focus group from hell.
You get defensive and reactive. You crave the last word. You need to be right. About everything.
If you’re paying attention, then you’ll notice that your ego-mind chimes in with its greatest hits:
Life sucks!
Everyone else has it better than me!
Nothing works out for me!
The world is out to get me!
It’s a vicious cycle that drains the energy out of everything. I’ve fallen into it more times than I’d like to admit. Thankfully, these days it rarely escalates to actual damage—but only because I’ve done a lot of inner work to make sure it doesn’t. There was a time when I vented my dark energy in ways that were neither healthy nor productive. (My apologies to anyone who had to deal with me back then.)
The Problem with “Think Positive”
Now, when you’re in this state, well-meaning people will offer the classics: “Turn that frown upside down!” “Look on the bright side!” The underlying message, of course, is: Your current attitude is ruining my vibe—fix it!
But here’s the thing—when you’re stuck in the cycle, those platitudes are the last thing you want to hear. You’re in a bad mood and part of you wants to enjoy it for a while, thank you very much. There’s something darkly satisfying about a good ol’ “poor me” pity party.
The deeper problem is that positive thinking alone doesn’t work. When you slap affirmations on top of unprocessed pain, you’re just putting a pretty cover over the stuff nobody wants to look at. The root cause is still in there, doing its thing.
Think of it like gardening. If your soil is full of rocks, weeds, and toxins, your seeds won’t grow no matter how optimistically you plant them. You have to pull the weeds by the roots, clear the rocks, and replenish the soil. That’s the real work. Your mind is no different: before positive thoughts can take hold, you have to uncover the negative beliefs underneath and find out where they came from.
Why Your Soul Wants to Stay in the Muck
Here’s the twist: I believe part of you wants to stay in the negative energy. Not because the pity party feels good, but because that wounded part of you—your inner child, if you like—just wants to be heard.
It’s like a little kid who’s hurting inside and wants some unconditional love. And hugs. Lots of hugs.
When you tell yourself “chin up!” or “think positive!”, what you’re unconsciously saying is your feelings don’t matter. And your inner child hears and internalizes something even worse: I don’t matter.
The good news? You’re an adult now. You are the caretaker that child has been waiting for. You were there for the original pain, so you know exactly what it feels like—and exactly what healing is required.
A Simple Practice That Works
You can absolutely do this work with a coach or therapist, and if you’re new to it, that can help enormously. But you can also begin right now, on your own, with a self-facilitation process I’ve been using for years:
Find a quiet, safe place where you won’t be disturbed. Sit comfortably and take a few deep breaths.
Invite your Higher Self into the space. Imagine this Being standing behind you, hands resting gently on your shoulders—totally loving, totally non-judgmental, holding nothing but the highest regard for you.
Let your Higher Self ask one simple question: “What is the burden you are carrying that is weighing you down?”
Answer honestly, in as much detail as you need. As you speak, imagine your Higher Self listening with full empathy and zero judgment.
Let the emotions move. If you need to cry, cry. Yell, wail, breathe loudly—whatever shows up and wants to escape. If your body wants to move, let it. There’s no wrong way to do this. The point is to let the energy pass out of you.
When the dark energy drains away, imagine your Higher Self wrapping you in a full-body embrace. Hear these words: “As the dark energy leaves, notice a warm, colorful energy moving in to replace it. Feel love, healing, and gratitude filling you up.”
Breathe it in. Imagine yourself filling like a balloon with the breath of life. Then stand up—take assume posture of the powerful, loving being you truly are—and make a statement beginning with “I Am.” Maybe: “I am a loving being who brings healing into the world.” Let the words emerge from your own truth.
Journal the experience, especially that final affirmation. Write it down. It’s yours.
The Takeaway
This process won’t prevent bad days—nothing will. I still get hit with that draining energy sometimes. The difference is that I catch it faster now, and I have tools to stop the cycle before it becomes a prophecy.
But here’s another shocker for you: the more I do this work, the less any day in my life is actually “bad” at all. I’ve come to realize that the day is just the day, and everything else is my story, interpretation, or judgment about it. Big mind shift.
A real attitude adjustment isn’t about faking sunshine. It’s about honoring where you actually are, tending to the part of you that’s hurting, and then choosing who you want to be and how you want to show up in the world.
The garden has to be ready before anything beautiful can grow. So tend your soil. Then plant your “I Am.”
What’s Your Version of This?
I’d love to hear how you pull yourself out of the spiral—drop a note in the comments. Here are a few prompts for you to consider. Let’s get the conversation going!
What’s the most surprising thing you’ve learned about yourself when you finally stopped to listen to your ‘inner child’s’ frustration?
When you find yourself in the middle of a ‘pity party,’ what is the first small sign that lets you know you’re ready to shift your energy?
We’ve all heard the ‘think positive’ platitudes—which ones drive you the craziest when you’re actually feeling down?
The Tree of Life Mastery
Recently, I published a 2-Volume Book Set on Amazon (and most other publishing platforms) called “The Tree of Life Mastery”. This represents what could be called my life’s work, and it brings together the most important alignment tools I’ve encountered in my life, but in a way that makes them accessible to everyone. My intention is to enable you to accelerate your personal growth.
Both volumes are available on Amazon. I hope you’ll check them out!
